


The Wish

by LiathLuachra



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: KuroKen - Freeform, M/M, Switching bodies, TW: Gender Dysphoria, trans!kenma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 06:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5154173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiathLuachra/pseuds/LiathLuachra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma doesn't feel completely understood by Kuroo. But it's not his fault- he's too scared to tell him. He only wishes that he could comprehend how he feels! Maybe then they could love each other more easily. Haikyuu!!nKuroKen oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wish

It was a clear, starry night, and Kenma liked the stars. He always used to make wishes on them when he was younger, and always be disappointed that they didn’t come true. But of course, it was only superstition, and only little kids believed in that stuff. Nevertheless, he enjoyed looking at them.

He knew that he and his best friend, Kuroo, should have been doing homework, but it was a nice night out, and he felt compelled to look at them. He didn’t necessarily want to be around Kuroo either; the captain was consistently yelling at him that practice, complaining he needed to “man up” because back and stomach cramps were not an excuse to be lackluster in performance, or that he needed to work on his stamina since he had been getting to out of breath lately. Sure, he knew Kuroo was stressed, since he wanted them to perform their best in the upcoming match, since it was a big one, but he didn’t understand. Kenma couldn’t help it at all. Well, why would he? It’s not like Kuroo knew what was up. Walking out on to the small balcony outside of his room, he placed his fingers on the railing, and looked up at the stars.

Kuroo noticed this from coming back from the bathroom. Man, that kid was weird. But he loved him anyway, and really adored the wistful and longing look on Kenma’s face. However, he knew he had been rude during practice, and Kenma was annoyed, so he thought he should apologize. He made his way out onto the balcony and tapped his friend on the shoulder.

“Hey, Ken, about today…I’m sorry.”

Kenma broke his trance and turned around to look down, sighing. “Yeah?”

“I really am. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”

Kenma sighed again, and looked into Kuroo’s eyes. “I’m tired of it, Kuroo. You’ve been complaining, and I get that I haven’t been up to my usual standards, and it’s probably very frustrating. But I can’t help that, and you’re gonna have to deal with that. I don’t want to get into anything, but I just want you to accept it.”

Can’t help it? He’d have to deal with it? What the hell did that even mean? Kuroo raised an eyebrow and looked down at his friend, completely confused. Kenma wasn’t really going to end the conversation with that, was he? Now he was curious. “Ken, I can’t accept it if I don’t know what’s up. I don’t know what you can’t help or whatever, but I’ll learn to deal with it if you tell me.”

“Tetsuroo, did you not just hear what I said? I said I didn’t want to get into it.”

“Well then I can’t give you a break, Kenma, it’s not fair to the others for me to not yell at you and yell at them!”

“You just don’t understand, and I don’t want to tell you. I know it’s not fair, but honestly, if I’m in pain, you should be cutting me a break anyway.”

“Kenma, I’ve played with worse.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“It’s true! I’ve played with a concussion, remember?! Next time you have those cramps, you have to suck it up and actually be a man for once! You can’t be such a little girl about it!”

Kenma’s eyes went wide as he looked at his friend, who had lost his cool. Did he…actually say that? In all fairness, Kuroo didn’t know, but..he didn’t want to tell him. He wanted more than anything for Kuroo to know, to understand, but he was scared…he was scared that Kuroo would be disgusted, and that he would lose his best friend, and the guy he was in love with.

He didn’t want to be alone.

Finally cracking, tears came to his eyes and he shut them. “Hey, asshole, watch what you say, okay? You can’t say offensive stuff like that because you don’t know what people are going through! God, don’t you know how much I wish I were you?! All tall and masculine and basically perfect?! Well I do. All the time. And I just wish that you could understand me and what I’m going through for a day so you wouldn’t be this much of a jerk about it!”

A single shooting star burst through the sky as Kenma’s words fell from his lips, and finally, after all that wishing, it would finally come true.

They parted for the night after that, and everything changed.

When Kuroo woke up, to say he was disoriented was an understatement. He knew that something was off right away; he was much smaller and shorter than he was used to, and he had something soft (..?) attached to his chest. They were kinda comfy when he was lying down, but kinda annoying. Ah, that's probably it. He probably was dreaming that he was a girl or something. However, when he heard a woman downstairs yelling a name that wasn’t his own downstairs, he shot right up out of bed.

He was in Kenma’s room. He was smaller than normal. Kenma’s mother was calling for him downstairs for breakfast. Panic written all over his face, he grabbed the long, dyed blonde hair that he now possessed.

He was Kenma.

Was this some sick dream?! Was this really for real?! Well, Kenma did wish it the other day, but…what the hell?

When he heard Mrs. Kozume call again, he got out of bed and looked in Kenma’s mirror. God, his back really hurt. Was that the pain that he was feeling yesterday? No wonder he wasn’t well, it hurt like hell. But what he couldn’t grasp was the fact that he walked over to the mirror and saw breasts on Kenma’s body. That’s impossible. Kenma was a guy. Guys can’t have breasts. They have pectoral muscles. Unless…

“Kenma, I’m not going to call for you again, your breakfast is getting cold!”

“Coming…mom! I’ll be in the bathroom for a moment.”

“Alright sweetheart, if there’s not enough pads in there, get some from my room. And remember to take your pain medication before practice, yesterday you came home looking so hurt.”

Pads…? Pain medication…?

“Alright mom, I will. This may be stupid but….why do I need those again?”

“…You’re on your period, Kenma, just like every month, and you have your terrible cramps. Are you feeling alright? Do you need me to come up there?”

“No no no, I’m fine! I’ll be down in a few!”

After getting confirmation from Mrs. Kozume, Kuroo ran to the bathroom and pulled his pajama pants and underpants down, to reveal Kenma’s biological sex and, of course, a bloody pad. Kuroo took off his shirt as well to look at the breasts that Kenma had.

So…his best friend was a girl.

No. Fuck that. He wasn’t a girl. He sounds like a dick when he thinks that way. Kenma was a guy, just as any of the others on the team. And Kenma made it clear that he was a guy, so he identified that way. It just that he was biologically born with two X chromosomes instead of a Y.

His best friend, Kozume Kenma, was transgender.

That’s why he didn’t understand anything. That’s why Kenma was upset at him yesterday for calling him a girl. And now he felt even more like an asshole.

Changing the pad quickly and changing into his school uniform, he went downstairs to eat his now cold breakfast. Mrs. Kozume checked him for sickness anyway, despite his protests. He had to try to act like Kenma as much as possible, or else his mother would get freaked out.

“Well mom, I’m off to school…see you after practice.”

“Kenma, sweetheart? You’re not wearing your binder. Are you sure everything is okay?”

A binder. That was what Kenma was wearing every practice under all his clothing. He just thought he had a think for tank tops but no, it was to hide his chest, so no one would know. Kuroo just nodded and ran upstairs to put it on, and after some struggles, he got it. Fixing it so that he looked as flat as possible, he left for school. He didn’t want to out Kenma at all, especially when he was in his body.

The whole way to school, Kuroo started feeling anxious. What if the binder wasn’t working? What if people noticed his chest? What if he bled through his pad and there was a stain on his pants? What if someone saw it? People would automatically know that he was biologically female, and that scared him. He didn’t want people to know, and to see. He just wanted people to see him as male.

Feeling insecure, he looked down as he walked, hugging his arms as he walked into school. Did anyone notice? Was anyone going to say anything? Was someone going to look at him weirdly? After quickly walking his way into the classroom, he pulled out Kenma’s PS Vita and started to play it. Maybe then no one would talk to him. He didn’t want anyone to talk to him. He wanted to be alone.

It dawned on him then.

Kenma felt this way every day. He felt insecure and anxious every day. He felt scared, because he didn’t want anyone to know, to judge him, to think of him differently. He just wanted to be accepted, and not bothered by anyone.

It’s why he isolated himself and immersed himself in video games, because if he cast himself off, no one would notice, no one would confront him, and no one would be bothered to judge him because of it.

When he saw his own body come in, he saw a smile across his face and a bounce in his step. God, Kenma was so happy. He finally got to experience what it was like to have the body he always wanted. He had a whole new aura to him, and the fact that Kenma finally got to feel what it was like to be who he was inside- it touched Kuroo.

When he sat down next to him, Kenma looked over at his friend. It was weird to see his own body in front of him, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t want to interfere with Kuroo’s understanding. He already knew by Kuroo’s body language that he felt so brutally uncomfortable and insecure, because Kuroo never shrunk in on himself. He was confident all the time, and he always stood up straight and tall to exude that confidence. He wasn’t about to admit that he had cried this morning when he woke up as Kuroo- well, sobbed- because someone would hear it and say something about how “big bad Kuroo is a big baby” or something.

The day went on, and Kuroo’s back and uterus were absolutely killing him, even when he took the pain medication Kenma’s mother had given him. And when it was finally time for volleyball practice, Kuroo was feeling complete and utter fear. He was dreading every moment that he would have to head into the locker room and change, terrified that the other players would find out and freak out about it. He was afraid that they would kick him- Kenma- off the team and tell him to join the girl’s team. He would try to give it his all, because he wasn’t going to let any of those guys find out, especially in his movements. However, he knew they’d know something was up when he would start setting; Kuroo was a middle blocker, so he’d struggle. And Kenma would struggle too, trying to preform that role.

The practice started, as usual, with running to warm the players up, and the more that Kuroo ran, the more out of breath he felt. He was feeling a constriction on his body, and he figured it was the binder that was the culprit. Damn, why didn’t Kenma have one that was built for athletics? Wait…did they even make one that was built for athletics? Pushing the thought aside, he knew that he had to focus on his breathing so he wouldn’t totally pass out. He couldn’t believe it though. Kenma had to deal with that feeling of not being able to breathe every single day.

Kuroo definitely knew it wasn’t healthy. But his dysphoria was so bad that he felt he had to wear something that affected his ability to breathe for the sake of being identified by appearance who he really was. Kuroo got that now, he understood. While he was running, he felt the same way. He had a fear that the binder would shift or something, and somehow, breasts would be visible and he would get made fun of or put down by the team. It was especially hard because he was smaller in stature.

If it happened any other day, Kuroo would defend the hell out of Kenma. Especially now that he had seen it through his eyes. He would beat someone up, if he had to. He wanted to avoid that situation as much as possible, because hell, Kenma would be so heartbroken, and so scared. He wanted nothing more but for him to be happy. He did love him, after all.

He pushed and pushed into practice, until it was completely impossible to breathe. One moment he was laying on the court, and the next moment, he was waking up in his bed- well, Kenma’s bed. Kenma, still in his body, looked down at him.

“You idiot…didn’t you know you weren’t supposed to wear binders for that long? Besides, you picked up my one from last year that’s now too small.”

Kuroo shot up from his position, looking Kenma straight in the eye. Looking at him now made him swell with emotion, and tears immediately started to fall. Crying for him was rare, but he understood some of the pains, the anxieties, the emotions that Kenma had to feel every day. Tears just poured and poured, and he hugged Kenma tightly to his body.

“I’m so sorry, Kenma, I had no idea…”

“…Sorry for what?”

“I said some really shitty things yesterday and I had no idea what you went through every day…I didn’t realize you went through so many negative emotions, like anxiety daily….and the cramps, god, these hurt like hell..”

“Well did you take the pain meds my mom gave you?”

“Yeah, and it didn’t really help. But that’s beside the point…I’m really sorry you feel all of this every day, and that you have to go through all this, and-“

He was cut off by a quick peck to his lips, and Kuroo immediately shut up. Kenma blinked at him and made direct eye contact with him, giving him a small smile.

“Stop apologizing. None of this is your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. I was just born into the wrong body. I’m still the same Kenma you’ve always known.”

Kuroo sniffled a bit, and laughed slightly. “Yeah, you are. The same old Kenma. Nothing’s changed, except for the fact that I know more about you now. And I get why you didn’t tell me. You were scared as to how I was going to react.”  


“Yeah, I didn’t want to lose my best friend and the guy I’m in love with.”

Pulling Kuroo closer, Kenma wrapped his arms around his waist, still trying to register the fact that he was being affectionate with his own body. Kuroo blushed a bit, but smiled back. “Well, I’m glad I’m able to understand the guy I’m in love with better. And I’m just so goddamned happy that he got to experience, even if it’s for one day, what it’s like to have the body he’s always wanted. Seeing you walk into class today was the happiest I’ve ever seen you in your life.”  


At that, Kenma looked away, completely embarrassed, but so appreciative that Kuroo understood. “Yeah, I cried for a really long time this morning…it was such a blessing for me. And now I have it, I really want it even more now. For myself. I mean I’m already in the process of getting testosterone, and I’m really excited to start it soon.”

“Well, when you start it and it makes you feel weird, or there’s side effects, let me know, okay? I’ll do my best to help you, Ken. I promise.”

“Hey Tetsuroo, did you want to stay over tonight? Do homework, and then be there when we wake up to switch back?”

Kuroo’s hands moved up to Kenma’s cheeks, and he pressed his lips against his, pulling back and giving him a wide grin.

“Yeah…I’d like that.”

In the end, after Kuroo and Kenma switched back, their relationship was stronger than ever. Kenma felt more confident, and Kuroo loved him no matter what. Because Kenma was beautiful inside and out, and every bit of him mattered.

Kenma was someone he held dear to him, more than anything in the world, and nothing, not even a body, was going to change that.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you guys for reading my fic! This was both fun and hard for me to write, since its such a sensitive topic and I know many of my friends feel this way almost every day. My friend had actually wanted a prompt and inspired this, and Trans!Kenma is a headcanon I hold dear to my heart, so it was a joy to complete this for him! Sorry if Kenma was a bit ooc- cool and calm characters are hard for me to write sometimes! This is dedicated to spookradia on tumblr c: I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
